United3dArtists Archive

Hey folks. Been a while since I've been on here. See a bunch of new names, and some ole cherished ones. Hello to all.
Last year was a Reaaal rough one for me. Didn't get much art done. This year... I've changed my mind.
Some of you may know the feeling; 'I'll melt and die... if I don't create'.
Now, there's no way I can do all of these. Time is my enemy, so I need your help in narrowing it down, and what more valuable than another creator's opinion. This way you all can help me get back on my artistic feet again.
Sooo... below are three shorts that I have in mind. I've tried to give very little detail how the story goes or ends, so they may seem a bit lacking as a storyline. That's on purpose because I am asking you to judge on the 'feel' of the story. Which would you like to see on screen, as an idea, a concept.
Here's what I'm asking: Be open-minded (I know there's a lot of 'dragon movies' out there, but it's not really a dragon story; I know there's a lot of 'aliens attack Earth', but this isn't really an alien story; you may have heard of parts of these in the past, etc), take a moment to read them. Then please leave a post with...

QUE 1: Which do YOU like the most as a story/concept?

QUE 2: Which do you think would draw the largest audience?

SYNOPSIS...

1
In the days of Vikings and Saxons, where warriors rule the day, two young boys find the dragon's cave entrance. They have heard of the dragon's deadly rage but curiosity and bravado lead them into the cave. They follow the dark walls and they come to a cliff edge exposing a large chasm and as they squint to see in the distance, the dragon attacks out of the mist. They are beside themselves with fear and run out as fast as they can. The dragon chases. The chubby one being slower, gets snatched up by the dragon, who then flies off with him.
The dragon holding the boy in it's talons, drags him through the bushes, scrapes him on the ground, flies roughshod with him, finally drops him, swirls around and then lands in front of the disheveled boy.
“You should eat less. I caught you because you were the slowest. You're lucky I'm not hungry”... and flies off.
When the boy makes it home, the town having heard of the ordeal from the other boy, they're frantic with fear and disgust. Now that the boy is safely home, his father, an old cherished warrior, decides he will go slay this dangerous dragon once and for all, so the villages can finally have peace and security.
He finds the cave and as he is standing where his son stood at the edge of the cliff, eyeing a faint light in the distance, the dragon comes charging through the fog. But unlike the kids, he does not run. Instead, he draws his sword and a struggle begins; the dragon flailing him around as he flies through the cavern. The warrior finally strikes the wing of the dragon, and as they are falling the dragon flings the warrior onto the opposite ledge.
Now, the dragon slain, the warrior is on the opposite ledge from the one he came in on, below him a vast cavern with needle sharp terrain and lava covered ground. As he contemplates how he is going to get out he turns around and heads towards what seems a hallway, light coming from the distance.
He is confronted with a bewildering sight. Bright light coming from the walls. Blaring rhythmic sound filling the large room. Pictures moving on the wall. Shiny items dot the area. He stands there awed, and totally perplexed. Just then, someone tackles him from behind. A fight ensues and the next thing he knows, he is tied up sitting in a chair, and a man hovers about.
The warrior is full of rage, wanting to be untied, threatening this person in front of him, dumb-founded as to where he is.
Will he survive? Who is this person standing before the warrior? Why is he here in the dragon's lair also? What's going on?

2
In the future, the Earth has been altered. The floods have squeezed the masses
A teenage boy is disillusioned with how life on Earth has changed after the floods. The masses have been squeezed onto the remaining land masses and every square inch of terrain has been developed. There are no more forests, there are no more uncovered plains.
As a token, they have encased a small part of the land on each continent in a dome, called a Zoo.
This is Bobby's love; his only love other than his grandfather, one of the last horticulturists left on Earth and the Zookeeper, is this Zoo.
As he is trying to win a race in his homemade space craft, a large unknown ship comes into orbit, stops, and starts shooting a beam down to Earth, destroying everything in it's path. When Bobby sees it is near the Zoo, and his grandfather, he rushes off in his stuttering craft to intercept, to destroy, to stop this ship. He is crazy with fury. But his ailing craft gives out and now he is in a collision course with the ship. By luck he crash lands in their hangar, and the chase is on, robots of all kinds chasing him through the ship.
Meanwhile, Earth launches it's massive strike to stop this attacking ship. Big space battle ensues but all the weapons have no effect, and they are running out of ammo, and pilots.
How will this end? Will Bobby succeed, or will he be killed? Will Earth survive? Will the last specks of green on Earth by wiped out forever?

3
Rumors, imaginings, malicious intent, self denial, have all played in the demise of Kenneth. Everyone has abandoned him, and since his child has followed suit, he has abandoned everyone else. He does not even know her anymore. That, has been slowly killing him. She don't call, she don't try, she don't care. That's not the kind of person he would have taught her to be.
His efforts in the past rejected, all he has now for solace, is nature and his art. And his dog.
He sits by a cliff, (the area where he played as a kid) painting on his laptop, and soaking in the valley below. His dog, having gone to play in the woods, soon returns with an old rusted box. Kenneth had buried that box of trinkets and photos when he was ten years old. It was his 'Time Capsule', like he had seen on TV.
As he looks with pleasure and nostalgia at the old photos, he comes upon one of him... at fifteen yrs old.
??
Later, he comes upon a pic of his daughter as a newborn. How could this be? He had buried this box when he was 10. As he stares in his daughters eyes, tears well up in his. He misses her so. 'Why did she quit on me? Of all the people, why her? Why did she believe the lies? Why doesn't she talk to me when I call? How could she just quit?' he thought to himself as he stared.
More trinkets, more old photos that belonged, and then, his daughter's college graduation.
Kenneth jumped out of his chair almost going over the cliff edge. “NO! How could this be?! I wasn't even invited! I wasn't there. How could I have this photo?! His eyes exploded with tears. All this overwhelming emotion and thoughts of the pain he has endured all these years away from his daughter. He sobbed and sobbed asking only... why?
As he calmed down, his stare fell on his cell phone.
He would try once again. He calls her, knowing once again she won't bother to answer.
“Hey sweetheart. I um... just wanted to hear your voice again, see how you're doin'. I just...um, I love you and I... I miss you.” A pause. “Look. Someone did this to us. We didn't decide to stop talking to each other, stop caring, all these years. Someone taught you to not want to know your dad. You're letting it happen. Just... just, just call me. Talk to me
I love you sweetheart. Be good ok?”
He stood there staring at the phone, tears streaming down his face. In disgust, in pain, he throws it to the ground, turns back to his chair, pulls it closer to the cliff, because, that's how life is, precarious. Settles in his chair and starts to paint in pained, lonely silence. His obedient dog the witness.
A few moments later, the cell phone rings...

For quality, I like number 3 the best. That is a good concept. You would be great at putting all those emotions on Kenneth's face. He is a sympathetic character and viewers can "invest" in his plight and hope that things work out for him. For my tastes I'd be bored by that but I think it would attract an audience mostly of women interested in the emotions and relationships and those interested in drama and acting. I'd be interested in the mystery of how and why the objects got in the time capsule and I think that factor would add a few more viewers.

For largest audience I'd say number 2. Fantasy baffles people with little imagination. Sci-fi is more understandable for them. So number 1 would have less audience that number 2.

Thanx Finis. Thank you for the comments too (hey guy. How ya been?) The first two are pure animations. The third is live action with some CG. I picked these 3 because they are so different from each other. So far, I've asked only non-artists. Now I'm asking you guys who tend to have, a ... richer eye. (Artists are special )

PS: Please don't be swayed (or mention) anything you may know about any of these stories. I'm trying to limit any 'bias'. Just vote on what you see written; from the heart, from the mind. Which appeals?

PSS: I'm going to limit my comments and any explanations till this thing is over. (Avoiding the 'bias' thing). I'll follow it till next week after a bunch of votes are in, and then I'll let loose. Please, take an extra minute to leave a reply. It can be as simple or detailed as you wish, but please leave something.

Can we get some more votes/opinions please?
Pretty please?

Hey Drew.
I would say, #3.
This can be done, of course, as a low-budget independent film. I like it. I really do.
You can captivate an audience with this.

My comments on #3:

The idea of having photos In the time capsule that he couldn't possibly have put in, at age 10,
is good. It could be interesting. How long do you want this story to be?

I would develop it in a different way than having him just decide on his own that somebody
else must have done it, and then announce this to his daughter. Show how it either really could have been him, or work out how it could have been somebody else, and show it in the story. The way you have it, it's almost kind of like a “Deus ex Machina.” He wants his daughter to talk to him, and suddenly out of the blue, there is a way, but there's really no buildup to it.

Where is the conflict? Who has been telling lies about him? Set that up, and show it.

Are we going to be finding out about his past with his daughter through flashback?
How will we know these things are going on in his head? Voice over? Talking to his dog?
Talking to another human?

Last, the poor dog is not very likely to be bringing a rusted box to him,in its mouth.
It might do that with a bird, but a rusted box? An untrained pet is not very likely to
be fetching rusted boxes out of the ground. Suggestion: have the pet accidentally unearth
it due to his digging, and have the guy himself notice the rusted box In the ground, and
get it out himself.

Hope that helps

#3 works for me

Although, I would never turn off a good Viking/Dragon story.

And now for Number 2:

This could be interesting, if developed well. It kind of reminds me of an old Brude Dern film
from the 1970's – Silent Running.

What is the main character's goal once he gets inside the ship? Show what his plan is, and how he goes about it. That is where the story will be, as you've set it up. There has to be more than just being chased by robots. Does he get unexpected help on the ship? Does he find his way back to earth? Does he save his grandfather and the Zoo? Work out setting these things up.

I would go for Number three too, but only if the sci-fi aspect is developed more. Number two does have possibilities. Maybe it would also be worth developing that one later on.

I didn't go for the first one either.

Hello Dragneye


Hard to say what one would be better if developed further. But here is my 2cents . I think story number 3 has the most potential to reach and hold the most viewers. Story number 2 is good for Sci-fi people like myself with no imagination (pokes Finis) . HE-HE.

Story number 3 has everything except Action,and Sci-fi and you can work both of them in. In a way you have already opened the door to a little unexplained phenomenon. You could always add a crazy looking seemingly all powerful alien who is watching your leading man through the tiny glass marble containing the whole universe ( Men in Black ). Because this is what this particular race of aliens find entertaining and even make it a competition between them like our football seasons

Now you have added the sci-fi people but you must not let that part of the story overpower the rest or you will loose the chicks and it only takes a tiny bit of science fiction to interest that group. and in my opinion less is more when doing sci-fi so this needs to be an afterthought. Most will jump at anything that is new and original. lets face it when was the last time you saw a good intellectual sci-fi film? If you think this has not been done check an old film out called Kpax and there are others that come to mind.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K-PAX_%28film%29

But Action is more important than sci-fi. Using my woman as an example she likes all the drama and tear jerking chick flicks out there but she really likes to have a little challenge as well with some minor action and suspense and even a little conspiracy thrown in and last of all a little sci-fi. So throw in some action find out who is messing with him and why. Then try to stop this person/persons by the end before the aliens loose their ball game

HEHE now that I have completely destroyed your concept there are many ways you can go with it. it just depends on what you want to portray. My best advice is to write your story from your own heart and head and not worry so much about the end result. It will be more self fulfilling and more enjoyable for you the writer.

If I may add another 2 cents in, yes write from your heart and head,
and don't worry about the end result - at first. At first you want to be
creative. But then you may want to get some feedback and read a bit
about screenwriting, to clean / tighten it up. Definitely don't just plunge
in to making the film with no feedback. Find a way to hook up with some writers.

Don't assume the story will take care of itself - it won't.
You need feedback, even if you don't like it.

This is how I'm going forward - I wrote a rough outline,
but with nothing cast in stone, then started at the beginning
because I'm kind of feeling my way forward in the dark.

Then after the first few scenes, I made myself a short-term bulllet list
for the next few scenes to do, because that helps me focus, but at
the same time I can make things up as I go along.

Anyway, that's my process. I already got some valuable feedback
from my writing workshop group - for example they pointed out to me
I need to bring the geeky scientist into it right away, right in the first
few scenes, rather than spend too much time on introducing the
bad guy first. That's the kind of thing I'm talking about.

HTH

I'll take more votes for sure, but you guys have written some cool stuff. Just want to say Thank You, for the suggestions and ideas!

Ok, so it looks like the first choice is #3 with # 2 a close second.
(he he he he) Really?? I'm guessin' most that spoke up so far are men, and you all picked the tear-jerker?! OH My .... WHat's wrong with us?! A bunch of men.... geeeeez. (Ok, deal? I don't tell your ladies, And you don't tell mine ok?) lolol
Seriously now, oook. Thank you for your input, really. The storylines have all been worked out already but I did see some good ideas. I tried to be vague. For example. #3 is really live action (to get all that emotion I wanted it had to be live) with some background cg only. It's a, a deep one. Just a plain out tear-jerker. Hopefully it'll really affect whoever sees it. That's what I'm after, but it will be hard to make (speaking as a father). And the guy who was going to help me is off doing some documentary, so, that's that for now. The only way for it to be cg is if the guy is an alien. But, I think it would lose it's 'deepness' quality. Though it would be a cool experiment. 'How emotive/emotional can ya make a cg alien face?'
Each one of these has major twists (that's what I like to watch, that's what I create) so the dragon story for example; the dragon is a very small part of the whole thing. It's more of a dialogue/intellectual/concept thing. The dragon is just one of the twists.

These basically are 3 or so minute shorts, addressing, concepts. That's how/what I basically create around.

#2... welll, that one is a lil special. That really started here on the forums. A bunch of us fleshed it all out, and the storyline is set. We all have used the comraderie the project afforded us to improve and expand our 3D skills, and workflows, etc. That's really our main goal (my opinion guys).
I had originally thrown it on the list I used to ask my friends (all non-artists. The list had 5 of my stories and #2) to see if the story had any wide appeal. It turns out it sure did, so I added it here to see what you all artists thought. Very... cool.
It's a good story, it's a fun story, and we get to blow stuff up; how cool is that? Anyway, if the other guys want to chime in, hey guys.

Ok... was it something I said? No more replies? You all got that I was kidding in the beginning of the last post right?

Ok, I guess I'll rap this up today.
So, truth is #3 is my secret favorite. Basically because of the point/thought it's trying to make. Seems a lot of you agree, but it's a project that has to wait (unless I can find someone around here with some camera experience, and a camera)
#2 is an ongoing project with some folks from here. I had to add it because I was surprised how many votes it got in the first round of voting, and privately wanted to see how it fared with you folks. It started as a short movie, but because of lack of manpower and time required, it's now a trailer for the movie. We've slowed down recently with it. Personal tragedies, and the vagaries of life have slowed the project, but for me these polls show that it does have good appeal. And it's a darn good story. Not worth dropping.
#1 like I said. The backdrop has to do with a dragon, but it is not a dragon story at all.
Looking back, I should have added the others (there were 5 choices originally instead of these two that I offered here) because from this vote (excluding #2) only #1 is possible right now. For the record, in the first poll, #1 got the most votes with #2 almost dead even.
Anyway, ... I'd like to say Thank You to all that helped this along.